I have a favor to ask. I’ve been working on the description for Ghost in the Park that goes into the query letters I have been sending to agents. Thanks to the good people over at Absolute Write’s Water Cooler, it has improved amazingly. I know I’m not done yet. Now I’d like to get some reader’s opinions, and if you’re a writer, that rocks too. My biggest problem is that while I can write a story, every time I try to write a description it’s like there’s a cheesy late night television host in my head. “Next time, on Ghost in the Park…”
Feel free to comment, or you could just “like” this post on WordPress, Tumbler, or my Facebook to show that you would read this book.
My big question is that if you read the following, would you be at all interested in reading the book? Keep in mind that it’s for a supernatural thriller, so if that isn’t your cup of tea, this won’t be either.
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Six college coeds are found butchered, and one of the victims was Bryce Campbell’s favorite literature student. Summer break is for writing trashy romance novels, but this summer, Bryce is determined to help the police find a killer before more young women die. Hoping that his psychic gifts and ability to talk to the dead will lead him to the killer, Bryce begins investigating on his own.
The chattering ghost of a young woman named Elizabeth follows him home, and Bryce views her as a distraction that he does not need. Despite his best efforts to remain a solitary curmudgeon, Elizabeth goads him into adopting a cat, replacing his disgusting old car, and even dating for the first time in over a decade.
When Bryce’s gift leads him to pry into the secrets of an unfinished building, his meddling does not go unnoticed. It falls to Elizabeth to keep him from becoming a victim of the killer’s rage at being discovered.
Mossy rock, Orange Trail at Jefferson Memorial Forest
Julianne Q Johnson 
Tom thinks instead of six coeds found butchered, just say something like: a serial killer is on the loose in Louisville, and one of the victims is . . . He wonders if some people might expect it to be gory and it’s not. He’s reading right now, by the way. I haven’t read it yet.
I admit, it’s a little misleading, but I kept getting comments that the descriptoion wasn’t thriller-y enough!
I am a reader, reviewer and writer. I think the entire thing sounded interesting except for that last sentence. I don’t mean to be hyper-critical, and it could just be me. There is something about the “at being discovered.” Perhaps something like “from being the next victim of the killer’s rage.” Otherwise this sounds way better than most of the descriptions I’ve read from the major publishers. You don’t sound like a game show host at all.
Lol, it took 5 versions to sift the game show host out of it! I agree about the last sentence, and I’ve changed it. Thanks so much!
I would read it. It sounds like a good story!
Annie Johnson
Thanks Mom! 🙂
I would read it. It looks quite interesting, if not a little scary.
Thanks, Tina!